So thought it was time to write a new post! We are now 10 days into the healthy eating malarkey and by God its depressing!
Drove past the Indian on the way home and my heart started racing, lips started salivating and fat started wobbling! But resisted temptation, not sure how or why but resisted temptation.
So on Monday morning I went and had a sneaky weigh on the scales as wanted an idea of how I was doing, after my shock at only losing 1lb last week I wanted to gauge how I will be on Thursday. Bear in mind I ate out 4 times last week and 3 of those were EXTREMELY healthy, i put on 1/2lb. Absolutely gutted I was and still am, What the bloody hell is going on, weight should be dropping off me, its been 10 long hard days since a crisp passed my lips, since any type of fast fatty food past my lips, since any real chocolate passed my lips......................................... and yet I'm still as fat as ever!
Excuse my language but for F**Ks sake! And when I say I have been good, i mean i have been good, no sneaky chocolate has passed my lips at all, no crap shovelled in while your back is turned, no doughnuts eaten in the car, I ate a pack of 5 in the car last month on the way from the shop to the office (its a 5 min drive) cause I was annoyed, then took another bag into work and polished another off there lol!
The weight should be literally falling off, lying on the ground and speaking to me saying 'no Kate, no eat some more crap, your getting skinnny' but instead its stubbornly staying on my hips, belly, arms, legs.............................................................basically every body part.
But here's the thing, I'm not giving up, IM NOT GIVING UP! So you nasty little fat cells you better get ready cause your going, may be a bit longer than I would like but your going. So I was eating well and doing extra easy but wasn't tracking, so from today I bought a little fat diary and am writing EVERYTHING down, going to try that for 2 weeks and see what happens and if weight don't start shifting am going to start cutting the fat off with a knife! (Extreme I know but believe me I'm getting really annoyed)
Chris's attitude is just eat less, he thinks I eat to much, his idea of a days food is maybe a bag of crisps at lunch then food when he gets home, then not a lot, hes a weirdo! But what he doesn't get is many moons ago when I was 15 I was thin, VERY thin and had issues with food, used to weigh myself 3 times a day and write it on a chart, not good and can not let myself get back to that point. With me its never about food, whether I eat to much or to little its about control, if everything else in my life is crazy and out of my control I can control what I put in my body, that's a real bad place to be and I am determined not to get like that again.
So weigh in on Thursday, better see a loss otherwise I will cry and binge on Chinese Thursday evening, but before I go I am going to whinge like mad about the cost of food, I am spending a fortune on food, going to the supermarket every other day to get fresh fruit and veg and basically spending all Chris money on food, a fact he doesn't really like!
Fat Burd tired, ill and grumpy and signing off for the night.................nite nite fat fighters xxxxx
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Monday, 19 March 2012
Well its Sunday night and I cant access my blinking blog so am emailing this to my work email so I can then add it from work, GRRRR!!! Very hectic few days but I have to say I am quite pleased with myself and my food choices for once, only a few minor incidents.
Thursday nite we went out for dinner with our friends Oz and Avril and I was very good and had chicken and bacon Cesar salad, which actually was better then the Curry's the boys had, and when we had pudding I had low fat yoghurt and fruit, it tasted like absolute crap but it was a good cohice, on to Friday night and dinner in Weston, spent 30 Min's looking at menu and eyeing up the pizza but again resister and chose sea bass with new potatoes and veg. The waiter got really annoyed with me as I was asking for it to be cooked in no butter or oil or anything and he got really ratty but I don't care although when it come out they had cooked it in a little but hey ho, onto Sat and we went to Hope Cove with Chris Family and again I was remarkably good, Plaice, new potatoes and salad.today went a bit of piste but its hard being away from home, ate toast this morning but It was brown bread and considering there were croissants which are my favourite I don't think I did to bad, and for lunch we went to a chip shop in Salcombe and I was dreading it a bit as wasn't sure what to have, we got there 15 Min's before it shut, they were jacket potatoes on the menu and I though great will have on but they had none left and wernt prepared to cook anymore so I ended up going for a burger, dint get no chips just had 7 of Chris's, then ate a banana as was still ravenous. Slipped up by eating a biscuit this afternoon but overall I'm pretty happy with my choice's.
Got some photos to add of all the food that's at my work so you can try and understand the temptation I am under every bloody day, its horrendous!
Thursday nite we went out for dinner with our friends Oz and Avril and I was very good and had chicken and bacon Cesar salad, which actually was better then the Curry's the boys had, and when we had pudding I had low fat yoghurt and fruit, it tasted like absolute crap but it was a good cohice, on to Friday night and dinner in Weston, spent 30 Min's looking at menu and eyeing up the pizza but again resister and chose sea bass with new potatoes and veg. The waiter got really annoyed with me as I was asking for it to be cooked in no butter or oil or anything and he got really ratty but I don't care although when it come out they had cooked it in a little but hey ho, onto Sat and we went to Hope Cove with Chris Family and again I was remarkably good, Plaice, new potatoes and salad.today went a bit of piste but its hard being away from home, ate toast this morning but It was brown bread and considering there were croissants which are my favourite I don't think I did to bad, and for lunch we went to a chip shop in Salcombe and I was dreading it a bit as wasn't sure what to have, we got there 15 Min's before it shut, they were jacket potatoes on the menu and I though great will have on but they had none left and wernt prepared to cook anymore so I ended up going for a burger, dint get no chips just had 7 of Chris's, then ate a banana as was still ravenous. Slipped up by eating a biscuit this afternoon but overall I'm pretty happy with my choice's.
Got some photos to add of all the food that's at my work so you can try and understand the temptation I am under every bloody day, its horrendous!
So am thinking I may have a cheek weigh in the morning to see how I am doing as I am determined to lose 2lb this week. Finding it really hard as now I am really loathing myself and finding it really hard as it is like for ages I just bottled up all the feelings I have about my body and put them away and all of a sudden I am seeing myself in the mirror and seeing the fat burd I really am, that's horrid and Chris don't really get it, neither do I really, its proper strange but where as before I just got on with being fat now i feel a hippo in everything I wear.
Have a blinking cold as well which isn't good and could really be detrimental to my diet as I am a bloke when I am ill, i need sympathy, am generally dying and am a hypocondriac and this could be when my downfall occurs so going to bed to try and sleep it off as I'm proper tired and grumpy!
Catch you soon fat fighters! xxx
Thursday, 15 March 2012
TOTALLY GUTTED! WANT SOME CRAP FOOD
So just weighed in and my predicitions from yesterday of the scales not moving much came true.
I lost 1lb................1 measly blinking 1lb
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Im really gutted, feel like a failure and also feel like crying, the girls at work are trying to chivy me along but I just feel like complete poop!
Need to pick myself up and move on, although I have been sooooo good since Saturday I havent been writing down my food so as from today am going to start that, but seriously apart from dinners at inlaws no rubbish has passed my lips, no crisps not chocolate nothing!
So do I do my usual, give up and eat a MacDonalds at lunch time and admit im just to fat and rubbish at dieting or pick myself up, dust myself off and go for it next week?
Got so much on thougth, dinner out tonight, tomorrow, away at weekend so eating out Saturday and Sunday, its just so much of a pain!
So a really unhappy fat burd signing off................................ :-(
I lost 1lb................1 measly blinking 1lb
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Im really gutted, feel like a failure and also feel like crying, the girls at work are trying to chivy me along but I just feel like complete poop!
Need to pick myself up and move on, although I have been sooooo good since Saturday I havent been writing down my food so as from today am going to start that, but seriously apart from dinners at inlaws no rubbish has passed my lips, no crisps not chocolate nothing!
So do I do my usual, give up and eat a MacDonalds at lunch time and admit im just to fat and rubbish at dieting or pick myself up, dust myself off and go for it next week?
Got so much on thougth, dinner out tonight, tomorrow, away at weekend so eating out Saturday and Sunday, its just so much of a pain!
So a really unhappy fat burd signing off................................ :-(
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
Warning, grumpy possible hormonal woman BEWARE
So its the day before D day and I'm feeling the pressure! Having a bit of a bad day and am struggling to stay away from the biscuit tin.
So think I'm either hormonal or going mad as yesterday got road rage so bad on the way home I nearly drove my car into someone I was so mad, stupid woman tried cut me up then beeped at ME, so I thought I would show her and drove at 30mph in a 50 zone for a bit just to pee her off, she then overtook me so I just let it go but was pretty angry, then about 5 mins later I went to overtake her as she was driving like a moran and then she pulled out on me with on indication or nothing.
My blood was boiling!
So listened to a bit more of Radio One and finally calmed down, although stupid woman in the red car if you are reading this by some coincidence, you are VERY stupid.
Dinner at the In Laws was fantastic as usual, chicken in a red wine sauce with mushroom, onion and chorizio. It was GREAT, sweet potato wedges and some veg, really good, and I avoided the garlic bread so was pleased. For dessert I avoided the cheese and biscuits and ate some low fat yogurt so was really pleased that I was still quite good.
Talking to Chris on the way home and was asking what I get for certain weight losses so here's what we agreed.
Half a stone - new haircut
1 stone - New dress (and I managed to negotiate a chinese as well, Chris said would be undoing all my hard work but sod it, I LOVE chinese.
That's as far as we got but I have made my own up moving on from that
Stone and a half - new jeans, work trousers, and other clothes
2 Stone - I want a holiday!!!!!
2 and a half stone - Engagement ring??????
Will have to persuade Chris and the 2 and a half stone prize prob wont happen but here's hoping!
So tomorrow morning is D day, 9am when our weight loss guru gets to work will be the dreaded weigh in, have avoided the scales all week as don't want to jinx it but REALLY starting to panic now. Thinking I weighed in on Thursday at 12.10 but Thursday night ate chinese and Friday night we went out so imagine that would be 2 or 3 on, so when I weigh tomorrow I may not see much movement on those scales and I think that will really depress me as I may have only lost what I put on those 2 days.
Managed a walk 2 out of 3 days this week, so if your in the Yeovil area and see a whale wobbling down the road around 1pm, its probable me! Have my swimming stuff in the car and debating going swimming tonight after work, but I am SOOOO tired and don't know if I can be bothered!
Well will post tomorrow with the results, have a sick feeling in my stomach that I don't think will go till then.........................................
Hmmmm wish me luck
Fat fighter signing off for the day xxx
So think I'm either hormonal or going mad as yesterday got road rage so bad on the way home I nearly drove my car into someone I was so mad, stupid woman tried cut me up then beeped at ME, so I thought I would show her and drove at 30mph in a 50 zone for a bit just to pee her off, she then overtook me so I just let it go but was pretty angry, then about 5 mins later I went to overtake her as she was driving like a moran and then she pulled out on me with on indication or nothing.
My blood was boiling!
So listened to a bit more of Radio One and finally calmed down, although stupid woman in the red car if you are reading this by some coincidence, you are VERY stupid.
Dinner at the In Laws was fantastic as usual, chicken in a red wine sauce with mushroom, onion and chorizio. It was GREAT, sweet potato wedges and some veg, really good, and I avoided the garlic bread so was pleased. For dessert I avoided the cheese and biscuits and ate some low fat yogurt so was really pleased that I was still quite good.
Talking to Chris on the way home and was asking what I get for certain weight losses so here's what we agreed.
Half a stone - new haircut
1 stone - New dress (and I managed to negotiate a chinese as well, Chris said would be undoing all my hard work but sod it, I LOVE chinese.
That's as far as we got but I have made my own up moving on from that
Stone and a half - new jeans, work trousers, and other clothes
2 Stone - I want a holiday!!!!!
2 and a half stone - Engagement ring??????
Will have to persuade Chris and the 2 and a half stone prize prob wont happen but here's hoping!
So tomorrow morning is D day, 9am when our weight loss guru gets to work will be the dreaded weigh in, have avoided the scales all week as don't want to jinx it but REALLY starting to panic now. Thinking I weighed in on Thursday at 12.10 but Thursday night ate chinese and Friday night we went out so imagine that would be 2 or 3 on, so when I weigh tomorrow I may not see much movement on those scales and I think that will really depress me as I may have only lost what I put on those 2 days.
Managed a walk 2 out of 3 days this week, so if your in the Yeovil area and see a whale wobbling down the road around 1pm, its probable me! Have my swimming stuff in the car and debating going swimming tonight after work, but I am SOOOO tired and don't know if I can be bothered!
Well will post tomorrow with the results, have a sick feeling in my stomach that I don't think will go till then.........................................
Hmmmm wish me luck
Fat fighter signing off for the day xxx
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
Chinese cravings n my tummys rumbling
So its day 4 of the dreaded diet and im craving crap food, im dreaming of chocolate, Chinese and all things bad but I am still determined.
So really on track and eating healthily, finally getting up earlier and eating breakfast, Monday got up made porridge, ate a spoonful and decided it was like baby sick so made me self some branflakes instead. Lunch has been the lovely rice dish which I actually really like, add in a yoghurt and its lush.
Has some bad news today, my great Uncle died so that’s a bit rubbish and makes me want to hit the chocolate and crap but I will resist.
Weigh in is looming, Thursday morning is D day, wanted to get a sneaky peek when I got to work Monday but resisted as don’t want to either depress myself or let me think I can relax as I lost weight. Went for a walk on lunch yesterday, 20 min power walk, going to try and do it 3 times a week to get my exercise level up, was going to go swimming yesterday but Chris wasn’t really keen as he was knackered by time got home from work and I made an excuse as I was hungary and then once I had eaten that was it.
Got a busy week ahead, could be a hazard in the way of my dieting, dinner round the In-laws tonight which is always fan-bloody-tastic but may put me off track, but all im going to do is steer clear off dessert, might take a low fat moose with me instead. Thursday off out with friends of mine and Chris’s in Bridgwater for dinner so looking forward to that, Friday off to Weston to visit the girls and go for an italien, then at the weekend off away for the weekend to Devon with Chris’s parents which will be fantastic but I may have to take my food with me to ensure its healthy. Gods its hard to diet with things going on in your life!!!
Just been to Morrisons and am very pleased as managed to not buy any crap food at all, that’s a first for me! Plus I was hank marving starving as hadn’t yet ate my lunch,
So lets see what happens tonight once I am faced with the gorgeous food made by Kath. Will my will power hold, can I face temptation and win………………………….
Monday, 12 March 2012
Sunday, 11 March 2012
So its day 2, usually by this point I'm fed up on a diet, and yep I'm fed up lol.
After posting yesterday I went downstairs and I cooked the one dish I'm confident at, Slimming World Cottage pie, so that's in the fridge for tomorrow night. Chris come home and ate the left over Chinese from Thursday so I decided to make an omelette. I love omelette's but I cant make them for love nor money, it basically went wrong, I had like scrambled eggs, with peppers, ham and mushrooms and while it was OK it wasn't the omelette I envisioned but hey it was healthy, ate it with salad and felt very proud of myself.
Only bad thing to pass my lips was some cake mixture but we all know cake mixture don't count lol, Chris went and played poker so made sum flapjacks and cakes for the boys, I love making cakes, unfortunately I also love eating them but last night I resisted and made Chris take them all with him.
And I was good I didn't eat anything after my tea at all, had a chilled night with a friend and went to bed, not before looking at some random blogs to see what other people write and do etc, one girl just blogged EVERYTHING she ate and calorie count, god talk bout boring, 1 lettuce leaf, 15 calories, 1 tomato 15 calories etc etc. If I ever get like that someone kill me pls!
So this morning I got up, Chris not here and ate some toast and yogurt for brekkie, lunch was a pain as we went out and the boys wanted roast so went to a pub but roast was all they done grrrr! But I am happy to say I was good, I only ate 2 potatoes and half a Yorkshire and the rest was meat and Veg, I'm a proper believer in not letting a diet stop you from going out, I just gotta learn to make the right choices and I don't think I did bad, n the potatoes were lush so leaving them was ultra hard.
I also did some more cooking today so I'm proud of that as I hate cooking, made some brown rice, chucked a load of veg in it and sum leftover sausage in the fridge, that's my lunch sorted all week so proud of that.
Lots of people have commented or text me saying how brave I am being by putting my heart, soul and fat bum out there for people to see but honestly its not bravery, partly stupidity and partly cause like a lot of women I try to be good but fail, and I'm hoping that by sharing it means I'm to embarrassed to fail. I bet there are certain people having a right laugh but you know what I just do not care. Chris I think is very bemused by this all, he read my blog yesterday and you can tell he thinks I'm mad posting very unattractive pics and telling the world my weight but hes a man they don't get it and he wont ever totally understand, I also think hes a bit like 'heard all this before' which to be fair he has and although hes supportive if I'm honest he could be better but hopefully once I get going he will understand I am serious this time.
So as well as eating healthily I know I need to exercise and I asked Chris to help me with this as I hate exercise with a passion, plus my asthma and half a lung can make it awkward, so decided on swimming. So tomorrow night its gonna be whale time at Taunton Pool, the getting in the costume doesn't really bother me but I think its casue I hate my body that much and am so embarrassed by it anyway getting in a costume just doesn't make it any worse. Once you have no self esteem it cant get any lower plus swimming I don't actually mind so now just to get me butt and Chris butt in gear and go.
I've been thinking a lot about motivation and how to keep going when the going gets tough and trying to find the thing that will help, Chris before has told me he will buy me a whole new wardrobe if I get to a size 10 but that just doesn't motivate me, maybe because I take no interest in clothes, when your fat your fat and nothing looks good so why bother trying.
Before Christmas I had to go buy new work trousers in a 18 and I didn't even blink an eyelid, now I find that scary, an 18, I have never been that fat. When I met Chris I was a size 14 and in 16 months gone up 2 sizes, if I keep on at this rate obesity just round the corner, so I went and bought new trousers and didn't even bat an eyelid or maybe I just have been hiding these things in the back of my mind as I knew if I thought of it I would have to sort myself out....... who knows.
So not a particularly hilarious post today but I want this to be an honest account, right now I am so craving crap food, don't even think I'm hungry just craving it but I will abstain, there is a lovely lettuce leaf in the fridge I will go munch. YUMMY!
Till next time my lovely fat fighters! xx
After posting yesterday I went downstairs and I cooked the one dish I'm confident at, Slimming World Cottage pie, so that's in the fridge for tomorrow night. Chris come home and ate the left over Chinese from Thursday so I decided to make an omelette. I love omelette's but I cant make them for love nor money, it basically went wrong, I had like scrambled eggs, with peppers, ham and mushrooms and while it was OK it wasn't the omelette I envisioned but hey it was healthy, ate it with salad and felt very proud of myself.
Only bad thing to pass my lips was some cake mixture but we all know cake mixture don't count lol, Chris went and played poker so made sum flapjacks and cakes for the boys, I love making cakes, unfortunately I also love eating them but last night I resisted and made Chris take them all with him.
And I was good I didn't eat anything after my tea at all, had a chilled night with a friend and went to bed, not before looking at some random blogs to see what other people write and do etc, one girl just blogged EVERYTHING she ate and calorie count, god talk bout boring, 1 lettuce leaf, 15 calories, 1 tomato 15 calories etc etc. If I ever get like that someone kill me pls!
So this morning I got up, Chris not here and ate some toast and yogurt for brekkie, lunch was a pain as we went out and the boys wanted roast so went to a pub but roast was all they done grrrr! But I am happy to say I was good, I only ate 2 potatoes and half a Yorkshire and the rest was meat and Veg, I'm a proper believer in not letting a diet stop you from going out, I just gotta learn to make the right choices and I don't think I did bad, n the potatoes were lush so leaving them was ultra hard.
I also did some more cooking today so I'm proud of that as I hate cooking, made some brown rice, chucked a load of veg in it and sum leftover sausage in the fridge, that's my lunch sorted all week so proud of that.
Lots of people have commented or text me saying how brave I am being by putting my heart, soul and fat bum out there for people to see but honestly its not bravery, partly stupidity and partly cause like a lot of women I try to be good but fail, and I'm hoping that by sharing it means I'm to embarrassed to fail. I bet there are certain people having a right laugh but you know what I just do not care. Chris I think is very bemused by this all, he read my blog yesterday and you can tell he thinks I'm mad posting very unattractive pics and telling the world my weight but hes a man they don't get it and he wont ever totally understand, I also think hes a bit like 'heard all this before' which to be fair he has and although hes supportive if I'm honest he could be better but hopefully once I get going he will understand I am serious this time.
So as well as eating healthily I know I need to exercise and I asked Chris to help me with this as I hate exercise with a passion, plus my asthma and half a lung can make it awkward, so decided on swimming. So tomorrow night its gonna be whale time at Taunton Pool, the getting in the costume doesn't really bother me but I think its casue I hate my body that much and am so embarrassed by it anyway getting in a costume just doesn't make it any worse. Once you have no self esteem it cant get any lower plus swimming I don't actually mind so now just to get me butt and Chris butt in gear and go.
I've been thinking a lot about motivation and how to keep going when the going gets tough and trying to find the thing that will help, Chris before has told me he will buy me a whole new wardrobe if I get to a size 10 but that just doesn't motivate me, maybe because I take no interest in clothes, when your fat your fat and nothing looks good so why bother trying.
Before Christmas I had to go buy new work trousers in a 18 and I didn't even blink an eyelid, now I find that scary, an 18, I have never been that fat. When I met Chris I was a size 14 and in 16 months gone up 2 sizes, if I keep on at this rate obesity just round the corner, so I went and bought new trousers and didn't even bat an eyelid or maybe I just have been hiding these things in the back of my mind as I knew if I thought of it I would have to sort myself out....... who knows.
So not a particularly hilarious post today but I want this to be an honest account, right now I am so craving crap food, don't even think I'm hungry just craving it but I will abstain, there is a lovely lettuce leaf in the fridge I will go munch. YUMMY!
Till next time my lovely fat fighters! xx
So I have done my shopping, spent a fortune and now have a house full of healthy food! Was starving by time I go home so made my lunch
Jacket potato with salad, Coleslaw, ham and cheese, only bad thing on the plate is coleslaw as wasn't reduced fat but finished it now and the one in fridge is low fat. Was actually bloody lovely!
So in a previous blog I wrote I was going to take some photos and put them up, Chris thinks I'm bloody mad and I think he could be right as they are by no means good but here's the thing, I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT MY WEIGHT! For so long I have messed about and maybe by me telling you my weight and then posting these horrible pics it might put a broom up my backside and make me do it so here goes......................................
So in a previous blog I wrote I was going to take some photos and put them up, Chris thinks I'm bloody mad and I think he could be right as they are by no means good but here's the thing, I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT MY WEIGHT! For so long I have messed about and maybe by me telling you my weight and then posting these horrible pics it might put a broom up my backside and make me do it so here goes......................................
So this is me, chubby, chunky, stretch marks all the horror, believe I'm not proud of these photos and the next one just makes me want to cry but now I'm telling and showing the world I really have to sort my sh*t out and get thin.
I have to change,
I want to change,
I need to change
But I need help, I need support, I need motivation, tips on cooking, anything to spur me on, so by posting the worlds worst pics, and bearing open my soul I'm hoping this will really help me to turn a corner and finally do it, kick this into touch and change my life. So please comment, give me your stories, hints and tips.
I want to change,
I need to change
But I need help, I need support, I need motivation, tips on cooking, anything to spur me on, so by posting the worlds worst pics, and bearing open my soul I'm hoping this will really help me to turn a corner and finally do it, kick this into touch and change my life. So please comment, give me your stories, hints and tips.
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